By Melanie Jimenez
Reflections Head
I’ve always been a solitary person. I tend to rely on myself when it comes to most things; I have a small group of close friends, an even smaller group of best friends, and I don’t really enjoy going out of the house to go, say, to the mall with friends. That sort of thing’s just never been my style. I’d prefer to go hiking, or even just stay at home, doing the things I loved most.
But I’d not just known of this preference, I’d always prided myself in my ability to be alone. I don’t need much social interaction to get me through the day—my unpopular middle school days have taught me how to deal—and I’m perfectly content to be left alone. In fact, I work best when I’m on my own. I didn’t mind being the lone wolf.
Going into this quarantine period, I assumed life would be much the same for me. All the restaurants and social areas of the city closing down didn’t really mean much for me. I was empathetic to those who did like going out, but I simply shrugged the news and continued on as normal. I had more time away from school, more time to myself, and I spent most of it doing the things I loved but never really had the time for anymore; I picked sewing back up again, I practiced music more, I danced for fun instead of for class. It was a liberating experience.
The first week of quarantine was a relaxing time for me. I enjoyed the spare time and the freedom that came with being at home. I found joy in the hobbies I had nearly forgotten about, and the euphoria of rediscovering the arts opened the door for my motivation. I wanted to learn more pieces. I wanted to get better.
Burgeoning incentive lengthening my stride, I pushed to improve. I woke up each day excited to pick up where I had left off the night before. I was becoming an improved person, with a strict mentality comparable to a coding machine.
The second week of quarantine saw this mindset of mine slowing down considerably.
I fell into a mundane state. I didn’t want to do much other than lay in bed and stare at my phone. The sudden spike of enthusiasm I was blessed with the week before was suddenly swept out from under me, and I was left with the whiplash of what used to be.
I didn’t know what went wrong. It wasn’t as if I was doing anything differently. I would wake up, eat breakfast, and then do whatever my heart compelled me to do; only this time, my heart just wanted to lay down. I didn’t want to do anything productive with my time. This was quite a change for me. I’d never been much of a couch potato: I loved running, hiking, dancing, doing anything active in my free time. For me, this was an illness with no known cure.
It all changed when school—online school, albeit, but school nonetheless—started back up again.
Everything changed once more. I had found the drive to improve again, and I was having trouble balancing classes, homework, and my hobbies. I didn’t exactly realize it at first, but somehow I had bounced back from the sedentary lifestyle to something more akin to the first week.
So what made the difference? What was the deciding factor that pushed me to return to self-improvement?
At first, I thought it was school. But that couldn’t be true. If anything, school prevented me from doing the things I loved doing. I had more homework, tests to study for, lessons to review. Before the quarantine period even began, school encroached on my free time. I was bitter about it and complained endlessly about how much work schools piled onto students.
The difference was seeing my friends again.
I never realized it before. School was a constant factor in my life. I never went a week without seeing my friends (aside from vacations, but the euphoria of being free from schoolwork overpowered the feeling of loneliness).
Seeing my classmates, making jokes with them, working together to complete a task, laughing at inside jokes and silly stories. It was the first rain after a drought. A breath of fresh air. I was saved.
It was a complete shock to me. The thing I prided myself on—my independence—was disproved. I relied on my friends for happiness. I needed them to keep me motivated. I felt like I had lost a tiny little piece of myself. Something I thought defined who I was as a person didn’t exist anymore.
But it wasn’t all that horrible. I was smiling again. I had more homework but my classmates were there to support me every step of the way. I was in contact with people I hadn’t seen in two months.
Being in quarantine taught me that independence is a blessing, but it’s not foolproof. One day, you’ll need to rely on someone for support. And when that day comes, take it as a gift. Be thankful that you have forged strong bonds with someone. Be grateful for the people who stuck by you through thick and thin.
I’m a “strong, independent woman” but I know I have people by my side. I’m proud of who I am as a person and who I’ll become because of the support of those nearest to me.
Quarantine may not end for the next few months, but I know I’ll get through it. Because I don’t need to do everything alone anymore.
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