By Alexis Luu
Writer
July is BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) mental health month and I’d like to share this list that I have created based on my own personal experiences and through talking with other BIPOC throughout my life. This idea was inspired by @browngirltherapy on Instagram.
You are constantly compared to your peers and other family members. Nothing you do ever feels good enough and this feeling has led to you craving validation to an unhealthy degree and constantly feeling “not good enough.” All of the highs you do experience are often invalidated because so-and-so did better. By yearning for praise and approval, you fail to set limits for yourself and may push yourself past your boundaries in an effort to impress your family. The never ending feeling of inferiority may leave you feeling frustrated and worthless. You may find it difficult to be happy for others’ successes without feeling like you have failed yourself.
Your parents immigrated across the world, started a new life, adapted to a new culture, all on their own. So you invalidate your hardships and may keep your problems to yourself because you feel that you are disappointing them by bringing up your “trivial problems.” This has led to you normalizing not asking your family for help and bottling up all of your issues instead.
You are taught that family is EVERYTHING, even if they hurt you. You may have been taught that their love is forever, which has made you unable to walk away from toxic relationships and set boundaries for yourself. You may have learned to simply “accept” things for how they are and make little effort to advocate and stand up for yourself.
Social perception was above all in your family. You may struggle with constantly keeping up with painting you and your family out as perfect. You may struggle with people-pleasing behaviors at the cost of your own sanity. To please others, most often older people, you may go so far as to agree with things that are against your beliefs.
You avoid taking risks and taking the unconventional route. Because your parents immigrated and spent so much time chasing security and safety, you may feel that you have to take conventional paths in order to make their sacrifices worth it. You may avoid taking chances and sticking to what’s “safe”. These choices you make don’t necessarily make you happy.
Your parents may have played the guilt card over their life and death as a tactic to make you obey. Because of this, you may subconsciously feel that something bad will happen if you don’t obey in a relationship. You feel that you are responsible for tragedies if there is ever a conflict.
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